The Trap of Keeping Up With the Joneses (And How to Get Out)

Short answer

Comparing your finances to other people is a losing game — not because you're doing worse, but because you're playing with incomplete information. You see their new car, their holiday photos, their renovated kitchen. You don't see their credit card balance, their mortgage stress, or the help they got from their parents. The fastest way to feel better about your own money? Stop looking sideways and start looking forward.

Why We Compare (And Why It's Normal)

I'll go first: I've done it too. A mum at school pickup pulls up in a brand-new SUV and suddenly my perfectly fine 8-year-old Mazda feels... inadequate. It takes about three seconds for my brain to go from "nice car" to "maybe I should look at car loans."

This isn't a character flaw — it's human. We're social creatures, and we use the people around us as a measuring stick. The problem is that the measuring stick is broken.

In Australia, we live in suburbs where houses now cost $1.2 million on average in capital cities. Social media shows us curated highlight reels of everyone's "best life." And school communities can feel like a silent competition — whose kid has what, whose house has what, whose holiday was where.

The comparison trap isn't new. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is a phrase that's over a century old. But it's faster and more relentless now than it's ever been.

The Math Nobody Sees

Here's something I've learned from sitting across the table from people as a CPA: the gap between what someone's life looks like and what their finances actually are is often enormous.

That couple with the European holiday every year? They might be putting it all on credit and paying 20% interest. The family that just did a $150,000 renovation? Could be fully funded by the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Let me show you what I mean with real numbers:

None of this is wrong — people make their own choices and that's completely fine. The point is: you're comparing your behind-the-scenes footage to everyone else's highlight reel. That was never a fair fight.

What's Actually Worth Keeping Up With

I'm not saying you should ignore everyone around you and live in a bubble. There is a version of comparison that's genuinely useful.

Compare yourself to your past self, not your neighbour.

Here's what that looks like in practice:

• Did you save more this year than last year? That's a win, even if it was just $50 a month.
• Did you pay down any debt? Every dollar off the principal is forward motion.
• Did you increase your super contributions, even by 1%? At 7% returns over 30 years, an extra 1% on a $90,000 salary adds roughly $190,000 to your retirement balance.
• Did you have one honest conversation about money with your partner? That's worth more than any new car on the market.

These are quiet wins. Nobody posts them on Instagram. But they're the wins that actually move your life forward — compound interest in every sense.

A Simple Shift That Changed Everything for Me

Years ago, I started asking myself one question before any non-essential purchase: "Am I buying this for me, or for the version of me I want other people to see?"

It's embarrassing how often the answer was the second one. The expensive pram. The house in the "right" school zone that stretched us too thin. The kitchen upgrade we didn't really need but "everyone else was doing it."

Now I ask a different question: "If nobody else could ever see this purchase, would I still want it?"

Try it. It's surprisingly clarifying.

That $120 pair of sneakers? Yes, I'd still want them — they're comfortable and I wear them daily. That $4,000 designer couch? Honestly, if nobody was coming over to see it, I'd probably be fine with the $1,200 one from Freedom.

The things that pass this test tend to be the things that genuinely improve your daily life. The things that fail it? They're usually expensive props in a play nobody's watching that closely.

The Bottom Line

The Joneses aren't thinking about your money — they're too busy worrying about their own. And the version of their life you're comparing yourself to probably doesn't even exist the way you imagine it.

Your money journey is yours. It's shaped by your income, your values, your goals, and your circumstances — none of which match anyone else's exactly. So of course the outcomes shouldn't match either.

The most freeing thing I've done for my own money mindset? I stopped keeping score with people who aren't even playing my game.